N is for Nostalgia

"In the midst of our lives, we must find the magic that makes our souls soar."

-Unknown; a quote on the cover of a Decade Old Journal of mine. Had no idea I was opening a can of worms and undated thoughts today.

Obviously, we should enjoy an entry from probably 2013 together, right here. Nostalgia.

'It's about living. Figuring out how to grow up, how to love, how to survive. It's about hopes and dreams, and [also] reality. And sometimes, reality bites and chews up and spits out your hopes.... into your dreams... little mashed up, slobbery chunks of what was once something beautiful and sweet. But you fart out [recycled, yet still] new hopes, and the cycle continues. Unless you stop dreaming. But what fun is that?

You can run in fear of failure, but then that is it. You are doomed, if not only figuratively, then also literally in a dungeon of sorrow... whether you end up just plain bored [or perpetually pissed off] or constantly wondering "why didn't I try" or "it could have been different" or "what if I hadn't been such a fucking pussy?"

There is always hope, even if it's just that you hope this eventually gets funny or you hope that one day you hope to get to suck (INSERT CELEBRITY CRUSH HERE ((I wrote Channing Tatum lol))) dick or that your itchy crotch is just due to a yeast infection. Hope is the driving force for humans to keep existing, because a lot of shit has gone to complete shit; life isn't a fucking cakewalk. It's a struggle for us Normals [hahahahaha] to stay afloat, but we have hope.'

That could use [a bit more] editing [than I tried my best to refrain from doing now; however], I just wanted it to be a raw read through together. This excerpt is over 10 years old, and I still mull over and mash up the same thoughts without any sort of comfort in a partial explanation.

Nostalgia is kinda tricky; it is where memories live, but it's also where glaringly bold reminders that things were once a way and they are no longer that way live, too. Nostalgia is about as fine-lined between Hopeful and Harmful as Suggestions are to Advice being nowhere near the same thing.

I've been avoiding the one activity I want to do more than any other activity, because I will need to spend a good deal of time in the past to present these full circle ideas.......in print, type, ink, whatever. That, particularly in Active and Rocky Recovery, scares the curiosity & creativity right out of me. In some weird and round about way, this lil post could satisfy your own curiosity of "What the actual fuck is she saying? I don't really understand what she's getting at."

yeah, me either..